The Cure - Just Like Heaven

My favorite all time songs and vidoes.....I still imagine being the girl in white dancing with Robert....

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Immortal Beloved

One of my favorite pieces to read is Beethoven's Immortal Beloved.... I love this, the last 3 sentences are on tattooed on my forearm.

IMMORTAL BELOVED

The First Letter

July 6, in the morning My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be - Your faithful LUDWIG.

The Second Letter

Evening, Monday, July 6 You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?

The Third Letter

Good morning, on July 7 Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. ever thine ever mine ever ours

Background After Beethoven's death in March 1827 two documents were discovered in his desk. These were the Heiligenstadt Testament and the love letters shown above. The passionate feelings manifested in these letters where addressed to a person unknown. Many have speculated over whom might be the recipient, made more difficult by the fact that there is no year or place given on the letters. But Solomon, following Beethoven's date on the letters, his movement during the period (1812) and studying the persons close to Beethoven, has come to the solution that Antoine Brentano must be the answer, now generally accepted as being correct.

Santa baby.....

Dear Santa, I've been a very good girl...

History of Burlesque in NYC

Long before strippers twirled on poles in G-strings you could floss with, men would get their jollies watching women twirl their pasties at a burlesque show.

With more than a dozen theaters that featured bodacious babes in barely-there costumes, New York was the epicenter of burlesque - at least until prudish city officials banned the shows in the late 1930s.

With the neo-burlesque movement back en vogue in New York - and with Christina Aguilera and Cher co-starring in the new movie, “Burlesque” - here’s a fond look back at burlesque’s heyday.

The best-known burlesque joint of all was Minsky’s on W. 42nd St., site of many a police raid over the years. Seen here in 1937, the building currently attracts a very different audience - it’s now the family-friendly New Victory Theater.



Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/galleries/burlesq/burlesq.html#ixzz16c6dgdby

Let's get to the important stuff: SHOPPING!

Today I am shopping from these awesome sites:

http://www.modcloth.com/

http://www.catslikeus.com/

:)  Whatcha think?

The elephant in the room

It's no secret that I have an eating disorder. 

I was anorexic in high school. honestly to tell you that I weighed 95 lbs is a lie.  I was 85 lbs when my mom, the nurse, told me to "Gain weight or you're seeing a doctor!"
I eventually did successfully gain the weight over the years, to a whopping 300 lbs! 

My Gastric Bypass 3 years ago was probably the best health decision that I've ever made, but for my marriage, my mind and my realtionships with others, it wasn't so great.  I do not regret the surgery. I have little ones that I need to be here for, and that wasn't going to happen at 300 lbs.

I do admit that I still suffer from the horrible torture of an eating disorder. I see myself as horrible fat still to this day, I beat myself over it. How sad is that?

I can only hope that by sharing this my daughters will see in me the abuse, and not abuse themselves in this way. 

obesity help

First post.

This blog is dedicated to my daughters.